Non-judgmental & authentic – Friends or Enemies?

Part of the work we do is sitting without judgment with our clients. It is one of the fundamentals of our work. That clients can be authentic and not fear they will be judged is what allows them to open up and share the deepest parts of them. It is something I believe strongly in, that a client can feel unjudged and authentic in the presence of another human being wanting to understand. So if authenticity is fundamental, what about the authenticity of the therapist? Is it possible to be non-judgmental and authentic at the same time?
In the world at large, all human beings judge. It is part of being human. The key to growth and understanding is noticing. Sometimes in session, we therapists hear things that clash with our own value system. We may feel uncomfortable for a moment and there are two ways we can go. To judge or to be curious. You see, all actions put in the context of peoples own set of challenges and circumstances are understandable. Killing to protect your child, stealing to feed yourself, hating because you have been hated – it all is part of the intricate weave that influences who each of us are and why we do what we do. It doesn’t mean it is always easy to hear. If a child has been hurt by an adult, this is a place I struggle most. But some adults in their own torment do just that. It’s challenging. Our job Is to try and understand. That is the work we have chosen to do. Reflecting on this struggle is part of growing as a professional and as a human being. This is what it is to be authentic.
In a politically correct world, sadly people have become afraid to say when they struggle with issues in the fear of being branded with some label. What happens to their spirit when they can’t be their true selves? It shrivels, and becomes shame laden and hidden. We all fear, misunderstand and struggle with life in some way. Therapy is a way of learning to be free to say who we really are, and a therapist who is committed to trying to understand how it is for you/us, is a gift.
So to answer my initial question, I believe non-judgment and authenticity can be friends, can coexist. Noticing what is going on, being curious about how another’s world is and understanding why something that may not make sense to me, makes perfect sense to them is part of what makes us all different and teaches us compassion.
In the therapy room, to be authentic a therapist can share that they are struggling with a place their client is coming from without being judgmental. This is the place to seek understanding, to inquire further, and to really notice the feelings that surround and underpin it all. This enriches both client and therapist.