I often sit and think about what it is I do. Stare into space thinking about the clients I have, the amazing things they say and know, the way my heart feels when I sit with them, ‘shooting the breeze’. How irreverent! There comes up the judgment on what I just wrote. Fancy talking about how sitting with deeply disturbed individuals, couples and families can be called ‘shooting the breeze’! Now I laugh. What’s so funny? Nothing could be further from the truth about what I do. My work is a privilege and is about sitting with fully functioning, interesting, intelligent people – who just want to be their best selves – Who maybe have hit a struggle or two? – Who want to live a full and meaningful life!
I want that too! So how am I the therapist and they are the client? That’s a tough one. Maybe I have a piece of paper that says so; maybe I read a book or two. But their experience of being human is no different to mine. It can be hard at times, joyful at others and exhilarating at yet others.
When I get to do this very special work, I hear and see how much it means to my clients to be treated as just another human being who needs to talk and share what is going on for them. No labels, no finger pointing or judgement, no high chair for the therapist and low chair or couch for the ‘broken’. No, not in my room. In my room I want to connect with that human being and understand what goes on for them, what they are struggling with and try and understand.
As this blog title says, I am often saddened by the neglected heart and mind. What do I mean when I say that? It occurred to me in my weekly staring into space, that we have aroma therapy, massage therapy, hair, nail and foot therapy, all bringing a feeling of nurture and delight. Yet our hearts and minds that sometimes tire from the gifts they offer us also need some nurture. When was the last time a friend said over a cup of coffee, “You know, I’m really struggling with all I have going on. I think I’ll go and sit with my therapist and share”. I’ve not heard it. Maybe some of you have, but I certainly haven’t. I’ve heard “I’m so excited I’m going for a massage, my back really needs it” or “I’m having a treatment on my hair today, it’s been so dry”. Yes! This I’ve heard. Why not the former?
It’s a sad thing to acknowledge, but this very wonderful part of us – our heart/mind connection – is a place we feel shame about nurturing. Somewhere people have understood that therapy is for the insane/broken/ill. Yes, there are therapists who do amazing work with these extreme cases. But for the most part, our work involves the ‘everyperson’. The people just like any other people who need a place to lay their struggles and share how it is right now.
If I was to be given one professional wish, it would be that I could get that message out there.
